Thursday, 25 April 2013

Beat It Funky Brody!

Well, it's been quite a while since I have posted and we will go back to a story that I should have let you in on at Christmas time. I will no longer neglect this blog as I have been threatened with physical violence if I do so again! 

So we begin.....again!! 

We were on our way to drop Justin off at his football banquet last December when Beat It (by the late Michael Jackson) was playing on the radio. Everett immediately told me that MJ was swearing and that we should turn off the song. I told Everett that the song didn't have any swear words in it, but he said I was wrong, that he kept hearing the F word. I immediately corrected him and told him that the line was "showin' how FUNKY, strong is your fight". The smaller kids still thought I was trying to pull a fast one on them, so Everett asked me to explain the meaning of the word "funky, if it really is a word". 

I explained what the word meant and the boys seemed satisfied with my explanation. We dropped Justin off and decided to go do some shopping for Christmas decorations at Michael's. We got there and Brody was content to get into a cart that I was pushing, while Everett walked around. Now, Michael's is busy on your average Saturday, but a Saturday three weeks prior to Christmas is absolute mayhem!We got what we needed and headed toward the cash registers. We had a while to wait, as the line up was quite long. Everett started asking for colouring books by the tills and Brian and I were trying to keep the boys from having meltdowns. 

All of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky, Brody shouted: "Mommy, am I in a FUCKIN cart???" Why is it that kids talk with super loud voices that everybody else hears? Why did it have to be Christmas time with what seemed like a million people cramped into one store. Why did Brian and I turn beet red, wondering if we'd heard him correctly? Of course we heard right, so had EVERYBODY ELSE in the entire store!! When Brian asked if Brody had just said what he thought he said, the nice people in frond AND in back of us were nice enough to tell us that they had heard the F bomb too.

I tried to do some damage control by explaining the Michael-Jackson-in-the-van-saying-funky-story, surely they would understand that we weren't the most horrible parents in the world. The lady in back of us was nice enough to tell us that her daughter teaches her grandson all kinds of bad words, so she had heard it all before. The lady in front of us said that if I was making that story up to save face, I sure was able to do it quickly and accurately. People around us were snickering, but it lightened the mood that Christmas shopping mentality can bring. 

Next time the kids tell me that a word they heard is a bad word, I should just shut my FUNKY mouth and believe them!!! 

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Border Line Kidnapping

A little while ago, we took the boys to Washington State for some fun and cross-border shopping. Brian's brother and his family were with us, so we split our group into two vehicles. Kevin and his children had to leave, but we stayed to do some more shopping. Approximately two hours after Kevin left, Brian realized that he had left his and Everett's documents in the glove compartment of Kevin's car. FOR SHAME!!

We were not feeling very confident that we would just be able to roll back into Canada. How were we going to prove that we were not kidnapping a small child? We made a plan with Kevin to meet in case we needed the papers, but it wouldn't be for another 2 hours. It was getting late, stores were closing and the kids were getting cranky. We packed up the big brown van and headed for the long border line-up.

We figured we would try to get back, Kevin only lived 15 minutes away from the border crossing. We tried our best to not look like criminals as we pulled up to the window, hoping the guard would be in a very good mood. We explained our situation, I decided to keep my joking comments to myself. This was proving to be quite difficult as most of you know, I tend to use humour as a defence mechanism.

Brian very calmly explained his idiocy on this day, and offered to call up his brother if we needed to pull off to the side. We could wait there until Kevin came with the birth certificate, he explained in his most Captainly fashion. The border guard asked us if he could just have a word with Everett, who was sleeping soundly in his car seat. The poor guard had no idea what he was getting himself into when he opened Everett's door to try and have a chat with him.

We explained that Everett is very difficult to wake, the guard was very patient. He roused Everett from his peaceful dreams of his real-mom-from-Africa and swearing trees to ask him what we thought would be some simple questions.

"Hey buddy, what's your name?", asked the border guard.
Everett growled and turned his head.
This happened a couple more times.
Everett opened his eyes, so the guard asked him: "Hey little guy, is your name Everett?"

"NNNNNOOOOOO", yelled Everett, at which point Brian and I just laughed nervously.

"Is that your Dad. buddy?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!" he screamed and turned his head away.

Brian and I were convinced that the car was about to be surrounded while they called Child Protective Services on us.

Luckily, our new border guard friend (and hero) had a sense of humour. He just shut the van door, laughed his head off and said:

"Well, you guys have got yourselves a great story to tell when he gets married, good luck with this one!"

He was totally laughing at our expense, we couldn't be happier about it!! We knew that could have gone in a very different direction.

"Thanks for not calling Child Services or throwing us in jail ", I replied.

Phewwww, that was some Border line (not borderline) kidnapping, get the pun now?